Gotta love Facebook for all the wonders that appear right at our fingertips at just the right time. (Yeah, I needed this right now!!)
You are beautiful...
How long is it since someone told you that you're beautiful?
You are beautiful...
How long since you thought that might be possible?
You are beautiful. Go check it out. It's true.
Happy New Year Gorgeous One.
You are beautiful...
Go be amazing...like she says!
Thanks to Upworthy for this and many other great 'make you think' videos!
How you see yourself is probably not how others see you.
If you haven't seen this Upworthy video, it's worth a look too.
You are beautiful...are you smiling yet?
If someone tells you you're pretty, gorgeous, sexy, lovely, attractive, magnetic, powerful, capable, fantastic, fabulous, funny, exciting, or any number of other complimentary things...perhaps you have nice eyes or lovely forearms...it's time to start believing and to tell those good things to yourself too.
Love yourself unconditionally.
You are beautiful.
The more you believe that and the more you tell yourself, the more it will become your truth.
From one beautiful person to another...Yeah!
Tuesday 31 December 2013
Closing the lid on 2013.
The newscasts usually give us a run down on the highlights of the year...or the major stories...a brief glimpse of what it might be like in the last minutes of life; a high speed review of all sorts of moments. I wonder if the brain sorts them according to the level of impact they had on your life. I wonder if you and I will remember the things we think we will...or if a whole lot of random moments will suddenly show us their impact? It makes me wonder what were the important moments this year for me. There have been some big happenings...and lots of little things that might have gone unnoticed...almost. How many of those have I stored up in the archives of my mind to reappear at unexpected moments? Not perhaps at the end of life, but just in those quiet moments of reflection that creep into life as you get a little older.
A lot of people have come and gone in my life this year. As a teacher I've had students begin the year with me only to disappear into the ether, sometimes without warning...and felt that terrible sense of loss. When you get a new student to work with, you try to assess their strengths and needs quite quickly in order to produce a plan for their education that will meet them where they are and coax them forwards towards bigger and better things. Once you have that figured out and ready to roll, it is a terrible thing to suddenly find the student gone. There are all kinds of reasons for this kind of thing to happen, but to any of those children out there who might have moved around a lot to different schools...know that your teachers missed you when you went. You were important to them and they would possibly still be wondering how you got on. Teachers have very good memories for some things and kids' names is one of those. We don't forget them easily. So some students started 2013 with me and then left. Others appeared on the roll call mid-way through the year and some even later. The same process happens whatever time they arrive. Get to know their strengths and needs...plan for what they need to keep them learning...
A few men have come and gone too. I've been on my own for a number of years and have played around with online dating...it's the way to meet men these days, like it or not! When you live in a small community...or even a large one...when you work in a sector that is primarily women (teaching)...there are not a lot of ways to meet interesting men. I am not a pub-goer and don't like to travel at night on the local roads that are highways too for much of the local wildlife (furred and four legged) and I don't want to be responsible for their demise. Thank goodness for the internet that has allowed me to connect with some interesting chaps and even to get as far as meeting a very few of them. This year got off to a fantastic start with a meeting that held all the promise of a long-lasting love affair...but it was just a day in Hobart town enjoying the sights and sounds of the waterfront...sampling some delicious seafood and chatting. What a fabulous connection we seemed to have. I looked forward to more of the same. Alas, it was not to be. I'm not going into details but I didn't see him again. We spoke on the phone a few times and then he was gone. Worked interstate...all too complicated.
What I learned from the experience, which was really tough because he had even said he was looking forward so much to planning a life with me...(I should have known that couldn't be true because he just didn't know me well enough after one date...even though it was several hours chatting...it's easy to be blinded to reason at these times!!) What I learned was this...and I hope it might help some of you out there that might be hoping to meet someone who will be 'forever'. When you go on a date you must not be thinking...Is this the one? Is this the guy who I'll connect with and fall in love with? Will he ask me out again? Will he call???? Do not put yourself through it. Please. Be thinking this...Am I enjoying myself? Am I having fun? Would I want to do this again? If you can just be thinking those things, you will be more relaxed. In the end, isn't that what is important to know? Are you enjoying the other person's company enough to be willing to do it again. Even if it is just a coffee. If you can just think about that you'll be giving off good vibes, and I think it is probably more likely then that he will call again. This works whether you are sixteen or sixty-six I'm pretty sure. Relax. Sometimes we're so busy wondering what the future might hold that we forget to enjoy the moments we're having right now. Right now I can remember sitting under the big trees in Salamanca Place. I can remember the bare dirt and the cigarette butts here and there. I can remember the 'connection' when we chatted; so much in common it seemed. It's amazing that sometimes things can feel so right...but go nowhere. That's life.
I gave myself some time to recover and then over the next few months had the experience of meeting (just online) a scammer through one of the dating sites. I was so amazed by that. I'd heard about them and now I've seen first hand how smooth they are. Beware ladies and gentlemen. This lovely man...with pictures of him that let me know right away that he was 'above my station' in life let me know how wonderful I was and wrote lengthy emails about himself and what he was looking for in life and so on. I read his letters to my mum and she thought he sounded lovely too. Well, Mr Too Good To Be True was just that. I popped his name into a scammer site and found him straight away. Of course, the person in the photo is someone and the name may be someone's too, but the person using that identity was someone else. They are generally after money. Wasting their time with me. There is no way I'd be giving money to someone I hadn't met. I hope none of you would be silly enough to do that either...but be warned, they do spin a very convincing persona and a very convincing yarn. If you're feeling lonely they could just get under your guard and take you for a ride. Don't let it happen. The person you want in your life must be able to take care of themselves financially. Goes without saying really. Don't be conned. Anyone who is a decent person will be able to get a loan from friends or family or financial institution. If they can't manage to have anyone trust them enough for that...do you want to trust them? Not me, sorry. By the way, if you have funds sitting in the bank, I'm wondering to myself what you're doing on online dating sites and why you're not out doing some travelling and seeing the world...having some fun and meeting people along the way. Still need to have your wits about you, but if I had money I'm pretty sure I'd be off hiking or biking or exploring or sailing or doing something fun and adventurous. Life is too short to waste it waiting for someone to come along and make it interesting for you.
This year I did meet a lovely man...he's had a mention now and then in my blogposts. He is a gentleman and a gentle man and has beautiful qualities that attracted me to him. Yes, we met through a dating site. I took the plunge and we met for coffee. Things progressed over a few months and he travelled interstate to visit with me a few times. Eventually he moved closer to me and then we moved in together. Then I learned something about myself. I've become much too used to living on my own. I can't be as 'live and let live' as I thought I could be. I think I didn't give myself long enough to get to know this lovely man before moving in together. It's a temptation when you're older to feel like time is running away with you...that you are more mature and should know yourself well enough. Relationships are tricky. I feel terrible to have put us both through the hard work of moving in together and blending two households only to be pulling the plug on it and saying it's not working for me. At the same time there have been some truly wonderful times and I'm hanging onto that just now...knowing that we have to find out about things by trying. If we play it too safe we can miss out on those good things. What is the saying? You have to take the bad with the good. Things are still a little messy. I'm staying with gracious friends who have allowed me a space in their home while I sort out a place for myself again. I don't know what the future holds but I just need a little time to regroup and find my 'compass' again. I'm off-balance and not as well as I could be. I feel sorry for my loss. Most of all I hold hope.
Like friendships that we imagine, especially as children, are all made to be 'forever', some relationships last longer than others and some change direction along the way. Someone said to me the other day...I've left lots of men I've loved...because it just wasn't right. Well, we all work life out in our own way I guess. I'm getting old and learning that I have to do what makes me happy because then I function better as a human being within a family and a community. I am not an island. What I do and how I behave affects other people. I never set out to hurt another person but sometimes our actions do cause hurt, even when we don't want them to. This is pretty raw stuff for me right now. I've cried buckets of tears and know it will take a while to feel alright with myself again. Some people might think it's wrong to be sharing this with you here, but maybe sharing some of this will help you to avoid the same pitfalls or to have the courage to give something a go, or at least not to feel so alone in facing the ups and downs in life. One of the concepts that keeps me going is the idea that we draw to us the experiences we need to learn from. Given that idea, I try very hard to find the learning in each life experience. I am a natural reflector...I think about what I could have done differently...what I could do better or differently next time. That is how I find my learning. I am grateful to be alive and to be living life and having a go at relationships. I am lucky enough to know that I am loved by many people around me...family and friends...and I am grateful for each and every one of them. Perhaps it's a bit fatalistic but I also subscribe to the ideas put forward in Dr Susan Jeffers' book, Feel the Fear and do it Anyway. One of those is that when we have choices to make, there is no wrong choice. We do what we do and we live life and we love and learn along the way. Look for the learning. Stay safe. Watch out for scammers; if it seems too good to be true it probably is.
Plans for New Years Eve. I'm on the wait and see. I wish you all a good ending to 2013 and hope you have some adventures in your sights for next year. Life is for living...you just gotta get out there and do it.
Thanks for reading me in 2013. I'll be back next year.
A lot of people have come and gone in my life this year. As a teacher I've had students begin the year with me only to disappear into the ether, sometimes without warning...and felt that terrible sense of loss. When you get a new student to work with, you try to assess their strengths and needs quite quickly in order to produce a plan for their education that will meet them where they are and coax them forwards towards bigger and better things. Once you have that figured out and ready to roll, it is a terrible thing to suddenly find the student gone. There are all kinds of reasons for this kind of thing to happen, but to any of those children out there who might have moved around a lot to different schools...know that your teachers missed you when you went. You were important to them and they would possibly still be wondering how you got on. Teachers have very good memories for some things and kids' names is one of those. We don't forget them easily. So some students started 2013 with me and then left. Others appeared on the roll call mid-way through the year and some even later. The same process happens whatever time they arrive. Get to know their strengths and needs...plan for what they need to keep them learning...
A few men have come and gone too. I've been on my own for a number of years and have played around with online dating...it's the way to meet men these days, like it or not! When you live in a small community...or even a large one...when you work in a sector that is primarily women (teaching)...there are not a lot of ways to meet interesting men. I am not a pub-goer and don't like to travel at night on the local roads that are highways too for much of the local wildlife (furred and four legged) and I don't want to be responsible for their demise. Thank goodness for the internet that has allowed me to connect with some interesting chaps and even to get as far as meeting a very few of them. This year got off to a fantastic start with a meeting that held all the promise of a long-lasting love affair...but it was just a day in Hobart town enjoying the sights and sounds of the waterfront...sampling some delicious seafood and chatting. What a fabulous connection we seemed to have. I looked forward to more of the same. Alas, it was not to be. I'm not going into details but I didn't see him again. We spoke on the phone a few times and then he was gone. Worked interstate...all too complicated.
What I learned from the experience, which was really tough because he had even said he was looking forward so much to planning a life with me...(I should have known that couldn't be true because he just didn't know me well enough after one date...even though it was several hours chatting...it's easy to be blinded to reason at these times!!) What I learned was this...and I hope it might help some of you out there that might be hoping to meet someone who will be 'forever'. When you go on a date you must not be thinking...Is this the one? Is this the guy who I'll connect with and fall in love with? Will he ask me out again? Will he call???? Do not put yourself through it. Please. Be thinking this...Am I enjoying myself? Am I having fun? Would I want to do this again? If you can just be thinking those things, you will be more relaxed. In the end, isn't that what is important to know? Are you enjoying the other person's company enough to be willing to do it again. Even if it is just a coffee. If you can just think about that you'll be giving off good vibes, and I think it is probably more likely then that he will call again. This works whether you are sixteen or sixty-six I'm pretty sure. Relax. Sometimes we're so busy wondering what the future might hold that we forget to enjoy the moments we're having right now. Right now I can remember sitting under the big trees in Salamanca Place. I can remember the bare dirt and the cigarette butts here and there. I can remember the 'connection' when we chatted; so much in common it seemed. It's amazing that sometimes things can feel so right...but go nowhere. That's life.
I gave myself some time to recover and then over the next few months had the experience of meeting (just online) a scammer through one of the dating sites. I was so amazed by that. I'd heard about them and now I've seen first hand how smooth they are. Beware ladies and gentlemen. This lovely man...with pictures of him that let me know right away that he was 'above my station' in life let me know how wonderful I was and wrote lengthy emails about himself and what he was looking for in life and so on. I read his letters to my mum and she thought he sounded lovely too. Well, Mr Too Good To Be True was just that. I popped his name into a scammer site and found him straight away. Of course, the person in the photo is someone and the name may be someone's too, but the person using that identity was someone else. They are generally after money. Wasting their time with me. There is no way I'd be giving money to someone I hadn't met. I hope none of you would be silly enough to do that either...but be warned, they do spin a very convincing persona and a very convincing yarn. If you're feeling lonely they could just get under your guard and take you for a ride. Don't let it happen. The person you want in your life must be able to take care of themselves financially. Goes without saying really. Don't be conned. Anyone who is a decent person will be able to get a loan from friends or family or financial institution. If they can't manage to have anyone trust them enough for that...do you want to trust them? Not me, sorry. By the way, if you have funds sitting in the bank, I'm wondering to myself what you're doing on online dating sites and why you're not out doing some travelling and seeing the world...having some fun and meeting people along the way. Still need to have your wits about you, but if I had money I'm pretty sure I'd be off hiking or biking or exploring or sailing or doing something fun and adventurous. Life is too short to waste it waiting for someone to come along and make it interesting for you.
This year I did meet a lovely man...he's had a mention now and then in my blogposts. He is a gentleman and a gentle man and has beautiful qualities that attracted me to him. Yes, we met through a dating site. I took the plunge and we met for coffee. Things progressed over a few months and he travelled interstate to visit with me a few times. Eventually he moved closer to me and then we moved in together. Then I learned something about myself. I've become much too used to living on my own. I can't be as 'live and let live' as I thought I could be. I think I didn't give myself long enough to get to know this lovely man before moving in together. It's a temptation when you're older to feel like time is running away with you...that you are more mature and should know yourself well enough. Relationships are tricky. I feel terrible to have put us both through the hard work of moving in together and blending two households only to be pulling the plug on it and saying it's not working for me. At the same time there have been some truly wonderful times and I'm hanging onto that just now...knowing that we have to find out about things by trying. If we play it too safe we can miss out on those good things. What is the saying? You have to take the bad with the good. Things are still a little messy. I'm staying with gracious friends who have allowed me a space in their home while I sort out a place for myself again. I don't know what the future holds but I just need a little time to regroup and find my 'compass' again. I'm off-balance and not as well as I could be. I feel sorry for my loss. Most of all I hold hope.
Like friendships that we imagine, especially as children, are all made to be 'forever', some relationships last longer than others and some change direction along the way. Someone said to me the other day...I've left lots of men I've loved...because it just wasn't right. Well, we all work life out in our own way I guess. I'm getting old and learning that I have to do what makes me happy because then I function better as a human being within a family and a community. I am not an island. What I do and how I behave affects other people. I never set out to hurt another person but sometimes our actions do cause hurt, even when we don't want them to. This is pretty raw stuff for me right now. I've cried buckets of tears and know it will take a while to feel alright with myself again. Some people might think it's wrong to be sharing this with you here, but maybe sharing some of this will help you to avoid the same pitfalls or to have the courage to give something a go, or at least not to feel so alone in facing the ups and downs in life. One of the concepts that keeps me going is the idea that we draw to us the experiences we need to learn from. Given that idea, I try very hard to find the learning in each life experience. I am a natural reflector...I think about what I could have done differently...what I could do better or differently next time. That is how I find my learning. I am grateful to be alive and to be living life and having a go at relationships. I am lucky enough to know that I am loved by many people around me...family and friends...and I am grateful for each and every one of them. Perhaps it's a bit fatalistic but I also subscribe to the ideas put forward in Dr Susan Jeffers' book, Feel the Fear and do it Anyway. One of those is that when we have choices to make, there is no wrong choice. We do what we do and we live life and we love and learn along the way. Look for the learning. Stay safe. Watch out for scammers; if it seems too good to be true it probably is.
Plans for New Years Eve. I'm on the wait and see. I wish you all a good ending to 2013 and hope you have some adventures in your sights for next year. Life is for living...you just gotta get out there and do it.
Thanks for reading me in 2013. I'll be back next year.
Tuesday 24 December 2013
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Here it is, Christmas Eve, and I'm not feeling even a tiny bit Christmassy...whatever that is. I'm not meaning to sulk or whinge. I know it's up to me to create my own feelings...ah, yes it is...so if you're feeling Christmassy then well done! You've done it all your self...with perhaps a little help from religious belief, music and advertising or Christmassy movies...yes, I've been watching them too. I suppose though, that I'm wondering why we make so much fuss and stress about one day of the year.
We went shopping yesterday and I commented to D that people all seemed very calm. He reckoned they weren't calm...they were stressed. Calm on the outside but struggling with inner turmoil. Look at their faces he said. No-one's smiling. He was right. I noticed one woman smile briefly when she spoke to another woman, presumably her daughter, but it was fleeting. People stood in the lines with firm faces and didn't acknowledge one another for the most part. I wonder if they were doing that terrible thing...standing in the supermarket queue...and going through that mental list to check if they'd forgotten something. Realising suddenly that they didn't end up putting the cranberry sauce in the trolley and wondering if it's worth giving up their place in the queue for the cranberry sauce...wondering if the turkey will be big enough...wondering if the pavlova will hold together this year...or if someone will get horribly drunk and ruin the day even after all this effort.
Speaking of queues...at Christmas time...why is it that the supermarket giants cannot employ enough staff to keep all the checkouts operating at all times for the week surrounding Christmas Day? I can't imagine their thinking in keeping people waiting in queues whilst there are checkouts closed.Unless of course it's to give us all time to remember the cranberry sauce.I reckon that their gift to the nation each year ought to be to keep staff levels up so that we all have a bit of flow happening when we shop. I think that if they did that and we forgot the cranberry sauce, we wouldn't mind popping back into the store after loading the car to grab it...and I'm pretty sure I'd be picking up some mangoes and other bits I ho-hummed about on the first trip around. What about you? I think standing in the queue waiting creates a kind of numbing depression that means by the time you get through and out to the car all you can think about it getting home for a good hot cup of tea...or something stronger!
Supermarkets...can be trying. Markets on the other hand can be fun and interesting. You never know what you'll find but you do know that you'll have someone to serve you and to have a chat with. I went to a local market on Sunday...it was the first time I'd been in although I'd driven past so many times over the years. I'm a convert! The market at Franklin in the old Palais Theatre is well worth a visit for many reasons. The building itself is exquisite...the lighting is poor so you have to give yourself a few minutes to adjust...the sense of intimacy is enhanced by the semi - darkness. Stalls were crammed in and offered all sorts of wares...everything from exotic oils, handmade soaps, freshly crafted loaves of rye, homegrown hazelnuts, locally produced Frank's Ciders, lush plants, jams, embroidered goods, bric a brac, jewellery and even fresh live oysters and mussels....and more! It was sheer delight to wander along and see the variety of goods on offer. Is this a typical market day I asked one of the stallholders...perhaps a little more than usual because it is Christmas, she said...but otherwise pretty much. I know I'll be going back. What a truly festive feeling I found there, compared to the dry and sombre mood at the supermarket. Not super at all really. Franklin Market by comparison is the Super Market!
It was a wet day and some of the outside stallholders packed up and headed off...what a shame for them...but I had a brolly with me and so decided to embark on another mission while I was there. I have driven through Franklin, a small meandering town built following the contours of the Huon River, probably thousands of times over the years I've lived in or visited the Huon Valley region. Every time I've noticed a sign for an antiques store and have never once stopped for a look. Motivated by D's interest in antique lamps and the proximity of Christmas, I decided to go and take a look in case I saw something suitable (and affordable) to add to his small collection.
I enjoyed the short walk from the Palais to the old bank building that housed the antiques store, rain pinging happily on my red umbrella...and boy, oh boy...what a treasure was in store for me! Nothing on the outside of the building prepared me for what was inside. I ought to have known from the size of the building...I ought to have been able to predict what I might find...but I was blind-sided by the few artifacts carelessly strewn either side of the small door tucked in atop a couple of unimpressive concrete steps. I opened the door to a wonderland. It was absolutely packed from floor to ceiling with marvel upon marvel. Memories were awakened as I browsed the hundreds, no thousands, or articles therein. I spent an hour or more inside...maybe two! Beyond the first two rooms...and I thought that was all when I first went in...I discovered another eleven! Yes...out back there were rooms and hallways and stairways filled with assorted paraphernalia of the past...I had a wonderful time. A museum of life it was...of human life. Testimony to the ingenuity and passions of people past and present. I'm not going to tell you about all the things I saw, but I have to say that treading the boards of the magnificent staircase leading to the upstairs rooms would have made the adventure worthwhile all on its own. So sturdy and strong and beautiful it was.
I didn't find a lamp to buy, but I did begin to look at things and look at the prices and thought that if I keep doing this I might find a 'good buy' one day. I realised that I had no idea of the worth of things...but also that if I'd found just the right thing I would have decided then its worth to me. I began to understand why there are people who love antiques...not just for their pecuniary worth, but for the links they give us to the past. Gosh I enjoyed myself...and I didn't spend a penny!
My Sunday made me realise how much there is to do close to home. How many of us drive past countless interesting and potentially enjoyable experiences to do something or see something further from home. What is it that drives us to do that I wonder? Do we not trust things close to home? Are we afraid of being seen? Is there some status to be gained by travelling far to see and do things? Perhaps there is. Travel is costly. It proves that you 'did' because you could! I've decided to make it a bit of a challenge for myself to explore all the good things to do that are close to home. I don't have a lot of cash for travel, but it doesn't mean that I can't spread my horizons in a different way; by getting to know this area better. I think it will be fun and I'll be able to share with you here what I find. I also rediscovered that I can really enjoy a day out on my own, in my own head, with my own company...doing what I feel like doing. It's a bit of a treasure that.
Taking myself back for a moment to that calm in the supermarket. I hope all the work you've done for Christmas is worth it. I hope you manage to relax and take a step back from it all and know that what really matters is taking a little time and spending it together...with whoever happens to be there with you...or if you are on your own to enjoy your own company. Do something kindly for yourself and if you're not enjoying being on your own then think about what you can do to change that. You can change your circumstances or you can change how you think about things. Great power in that! Those of you busy with family and friends, remember that you may have a neighbour who is lonely. An invitation for a meal or a drink and nibblies could make someone's day...perhaps a friendly chat over the fence? Be kind to yourself and to others. Employ a little give and take...and I'm not talking about gifts here. A little tolerance, a little gentleness towards our imperfections as human beings.
I do wish you all a very good Christmas. They will all be done differently but let's keep love and hope and peace and light at the centre of it all. Let's let go of the stress and the need to get everything just right. Think a little about those less fortunate...yes, we hear about them a lot and maybe we've donated a little here and there...isn't that enough? Well, yes, we do what we can...with the mindset we have. I'd ask you to remember that those hardships we see on the news or in the papers are not momentary or fleeting. They are minute by minute by hour by hour by day and night for days and weeks and months and sometimes years and decades. Please remember to count your blessings (if you are able to read this you are incredibly blessed...think about it)...and have yourself a merry little Christmas.
We went shopping yesterday and I commented to D that people all seemed very calm. He reckoned they weren't calm...they were stressed. Calm on the outside but struggling with inner turmoil. Look at their faces he said. No-one's smiling. He was right. I noticed one woman smile briefly when she spoke to another woman, presumably her daughter, but it was fleeting. People stood in the lines with firm faces and didn't acknowledge one another for the most part. I wonder if they were doing that terrible thing...standing in the supermarket queue...and going through that mental list to check if they'd forgotten something. Realising suddenly that they didn't end up putting the cranberry sauce in the trolley and wondering if it's worth giving up their place in the queue for the cranberry sauce...wondering if the turkey will be big enough...wondering if the pavlova will hold together this year...or if someone will get horribly drunk and ruin the day even after all this effort.
Speaking of queues...at Christmas time...why is it that the supermarket giants cannot employ enough staff to keep all the checkouts operating at all times for the week surrounding Christmas Day? I can't imagine their thinking in keeping people waiting in queues whilst there are checkouts closed.Unless of course it's to give us all time to remember the cranberry sauce.I reckon that their gift to the nation each year ought to be to keep staff levels up so that we all have a bit of flow happening when we shop. I think that if they did that and we forgot the cranberry sauce, we wouldn't mind popping back into the store after loading the car to grab it...and I'm pretty sure I'd be picking up some mangoes and other bits I ho-hummed about on the first trip around. What about you? I think standing in the queue waiting creates a kind of numbing depression that means by the time you get through and out to the car all you can think about it getting home for a good hot cup of tea...or something stronger!
Supermarkets...can be trying. Markets on the other hand can be fun and interesting. You never know what you'll find but you do know that you'll have someone to serve you and to have a chat with. I went to a local market on Sunday...it was the first time I'd been in although I'd driven past so many times over the years. I'm a convert! The market at Franklin in the old Palais Theatre is well worth a visit for many reasons. The building itself is exquisite...the lighting is poor so you have to give yourself a few minutes to adjust...the sense of intimacy is enhanced by the semi - darkness. Stalls were crammed in and offered all sorts of wares...everything from exotic oils, handmade soaps, freshly crafted loaves of rye, homegrown hazelnuts, locally produced Frank's Ciders, lush plants, jams, embroidered goods, bric a brac, jewellery and even fresh live oysters and mussels....and more! It was sheer delight to wander along and see the variety of goods on offer. Is this a typical market day I asked one of the stallholders...perhaps a little more than usual because it is Christmas, she said...but otherwise pretty much. I know I'll be going back. What a truly festive feeling I found there, compared to the dry and sombre mood at the supermarket. Not super at all really. Franklin Market by comparison is the Super Market!
It was a wet day and some of the outside stallholders packed up and headed off...what a shame for them...but I had a brolly with me and so decided to embark on another mission while I was there. I have driven through Franklin, a small meandering town built following the contours of the Huon River, probably thousands of times over the years I've lived in or visited the Huon Valley region. Every time I've noticed a sign for an antiques store and have never once stopped for a look. Motivated by D's interest in antique lamps and the proximity of Christmas, I decided to go and take a look in case I saw something suitable (and affordable) to add to his small collection.
I enjoyed the short walk from the Palais to the old bank building that housed the antiques store, rain pinging happily on my red umbrella...and boy, oh boy...what a treasure was in store for me! Nothing on the outside of the building prepared me for what was inside. I ought to have known from the size of the building...I ought to have been able to predict what I might find...but I was blind-sided by the few artifacts carelessly strewn either side of the small door tucked in atop a couple of unimpressive concrete steps. I opened the door to a wonderland. It was absolutely packed from floor to ceiling with marvel upon marvel. Memories were awakened as I browsed the hundreds, no thousands, or articles therein. I spent an hour or more inside...maybe two! Beyond the first two rooms...and I thought that was all when I first went in...I discovered another eleven! Yes...out back there were rooms and hallways and stairways filled with assorted paraphernalia of the past...I had a wonderful time. A museum of life it was...of human life. Testimony to the ingenuity and passions of people past and present. I'm not going to tell you about all the things I saw, but I have to say that treading the boards of the magnificent staircase leading to the upstairs rooms would have made the adventure worthwhile all on its own. So sturdy and strong and beautiful it was.
I didn't find a lamp to buy, but I did begin to look at things and look at the prices and thought that if I keep doing this I might find a 'good buy' one day. I realised that I had no idea of the worth of things...but also that if I'd found just the right thing I would have decided then its worth to me. I began to understand why there are people who love antiques...not just for their pecuniary worth, but for the links they give us to the past. Gosh I enjoyed myself...and I didn't spend a penny!
My Sunday made me realise how much there is to do close to home. How many of us drive past countless interesting and potentially enjoyable experiences to do something or see something further from home. What is it that drives us to do that I wonder? Do we not trust things close to home? Are we afraid of being seen? Is there some status to be gained by travelling far to see and do things? Perhaps there is. Travel is costly. It proves that you 'did' because you could! I've decided to make it a bit of a challenge for myself to explore all the good things to do that are close to home. I don't have a lot of cash for travel, but it doesn't mean that I can't spread my horizons in a different way; by getting to know this area better. I think it will be fun and I'll be able to share with you here what I find. I also rediscovered that I can really enjoy a day out on my own, in my own head, with my own company...doing what I feel like doing. It's a bit of a treasure that.
Taking myself back for a moment to that calm in the supermarket. I hope all the work you've done for Christmas is worth it. I hope you manage to relax and take a step back from it all and know that what really matters is taking a little time and spending it together...with whoever happens to be there with you...or if you are on your own to enjoy your own company. Do something kindly for yourself and if you're not enjoying being on your own then think about what you can do to change that. You can change your circumstances or you can change how you think about things. Great power in that! Those of you busy with family and friends, remember that you may have a neighbour who is lonely. An invitation for a meal or a drink and nibblies could make someone's day...perhaps a friendly chat over the fence? Be kind to yourself and to others. Employ a little give and take...and I'm not talking about gifts here. A little tolerance, a little gentleness towards our imperfections as human beings.
I do wish you all a very good Christmas. They will all be done differently but let's keep love and hope and peace and light at the centre of it all. Let's let go of the stress and the need to get everything just right. Think a little about those less fortunate...yes, we hear about them a lot and maybe we've donated a little here and there...isn't that enough? Well, yes, we do what we can...with the mindset we have. I'd ask you to remember that those hardships we see on the news or in the papers are not momentary or fleeting. They are minute by minute by hour by hour by day and night for days and weeks and months and sometimes years and decades. Please remember to count your blessings (if you are able to read this you are incredibly blessed...think about it)...and have yourself a merry little Christmas.
Saturday 21 December 2013
Time management
There has been quite a discussion in the house this morning about the importance of time management. With the excitement of a full time job offer for next year, there is also the change in lifestyle to consider. This is causing some concern and the issues that have been raised will, I'm sure, relate to many of you as well as to me. I am giving them serious thought and hope to keep life as balanced as possible in 2014 so that I arrive at the Christmas break-up next year knowing that I've done a good job at work but also at home and for my family and myself. The problem in any professional job is that it's difficult...no, IMPOSSIBLE...to leave the job at work when you depart at the end of the day. When you work with people, their lives become entwined in your own as you think about what you can do to help them in their learning or their understanding. It is work filled with challenge and wonderful rewards and satisfaction, but it does come at a cost.
I'm lucky that I have someone who can talk to me about the dangers of overdoing it and help me to consider what I need to do to prepare myself to sometimes say no to people, or to say I need time to make a decision. Under pressure one can become habitual in saying yes to every request and then suddenly there is not enough time and energy to manage the load properly or well. It's okay to say no sometimes. I need to remember that. Respectfully and caring-ly no. I'm sorry but if I do that then my core work will suffer...or my health will suffer. Core work. That is what I have to do now before I begin; know what my core work is. What has to be done? What are my goals? What do I want my life to look like? How do I want to feel about my job and my life? What systems can I put into place to allow that to happen as smoothly and completely as possible. They are big questions and I'm glad to know I have several weeks to think about these things and to make some notes about what my expectations are for my professional life and my personal life.
We need to know that it's not just okay to take care of ourselves, but it is essential to do so. Being over-tired or over-committed or over-worked or over-stressed leads to mistakes and illness and burn-out. It's a great thing to realise that in any professional job you are part of a team and there are others to whom you can delegate or turn for help. It can be a temptation to try and do everything yourself so that it is done just the way you like it done. That was one of the great lessons at university. Team work is a marvellous thing. Sometimes if you're not at your best for one reason or another you can allow someone else to take a little more of the weight until you are firing on all cylinders again. Sometimes it's okay for you to do a little more than you see as your fair share when someone else is going through a difficult time. The problems come if one person is consistently expecting someone else to pick up their slack. The way someone else does a job may not be just as you would do it, but it is still just fine! Different but workable and functional and okay! Fairness must prevail in a successful team or partnership otherwise resentment will develop and undermine the whole system. A good attitude to have is to always do a little more than your fair share; not a lot more, but a little more. It's a good policy espoused by my children's father and it was given to him by his father. It sounds wise to me.
I'm beginning to understand that it can be easy to be overwhelmed if you forget to designate and underline time for your personal life. If I don't cut out a space each day for some rest and recreation, even if it's just a 20 minute walk and 20 minutes with my head in a good book...or 20 minutes in a warm scented bath with eyes shut and focus on my breath, I will become tired and grumpy with people at home and maybe with people at work too. That would be no good! I want to be able to make time to call in and have a cuppa with mum and dad on my way home from work. I want to know that I can relax and chat for 20 minutes to my kids who live in another state...and give them my whole attention for that short time.
Sometimes to do this well, I will have to say no to myself too. No, you can't watch that movie that finishes at 11.50pm...so don't even watch the start at 9.30! No, you can't slack on your exercise today because you missed yesterday...it will soon be a habit (as it is now...and that is something I'm planning to fix in the holidays!!) No, you can't put off talking to someone about that thing that is bothering you because it will get you down and distract you from your rest or your work. I will have to be present in the moment and decide to deal with things...all things...in a timely manner so that they are not a hanging weight in the back of my mind causing unnecessary stress and worry. And I will have to learn sometimes just to let things go and not feel cranky or upset...letting go of things like that can be very beneficial to health. Sometimes things are just not worth getting worked up about!
Well, I'm sure I've read somewhere that awareness is the first step. So I'm aware of some of the pitfalls in working a full time job in a caring profession. I'm aware that I must take care of business and I must take care of myself. Next step must be to create a plan. We all know that plans need to be tweaked and adjusted as we live them, but if we don't make them to start with, we have no framework, no guidelines, no idea when to say no and when to say yes. If we don't know what our core work is then we can't focus on it and make sure it gets done well. Planning is my next phase. If I ever say no to you, and sometimes I will no doubt have to say no to writing, in order to get some sleep or to go for a walk or to sit and have a natter with a loved one...please understand that it's not because I don't care...it's because I do...
There are lots of people out there working full time. Most people do, and many think nothing of working themselves into a frenzy and taking to drugs or alcohol or some other thing to help them cope. I won't even begin to go into the implications of making those choices. We are not taught to say no. As children we are told it's rude to say no. As teens we are seen as rebellious to say no to things. It's important to be able to say no. Yes, it is! Let's all keep one another accountable. How are you taking care of yourself and creating a balanced lifestyle but still making sure your core work gets done?
I'd love to hear your ideas or hints to help me get things together in the best way I can, and maybe some other readers too. Cheers, Kerry
I'm lucky that I have someone who can talk to me about the dangers of overdoing it and help me to consider what I need to do to prepare myself to sometimes say no to people, or to say I need time to make a decision. Under pressure one can become habitual in saying yes to every request and then suddenly there is not enough time and energy to manage the load properly or well. It's okay to say no sometimes. I need to remember that. Respectfully and caring-ly no. I'm sorry but if I do that then my core work will suffer...or my health will suffer. Core work. That is what I have to do now before I begin; know what my core work is. What has to be done? What are my goals? What do I want my life to look like? How do I want to feel about my job and my life? What systems can I put into place to allow that to happen as smoothly and completely as possible. They are big questions and I'm glad to know I have several weeks to think about these things and to make some notes about what my expectations are for my professional life and my personal life.
We need to know that it's not just okay to take care of ourselves, but it is essential to do so. Being over-tired or over-committed or over-worked or over-stressed leads to mistakes and illness and burn-out. It's a great thing to realise that in any professional job you are part of a team and there are others to whom you can delegate or turn for help. It can be a temptation to try and do everything yourself so that it is done just the way you like it done. That was one of the great lessons at university. Team work is a marvellous thing. Sometimes if you're not at your best for one reason or another you can allow someone else to take a little more of the weight until you are firing on all cylinders again. Sometimes it's okay for you to do a little more than you see as your fair share when someone else is going through a difficult time. The problems come if one person is consistently expecting someone else to pick up their slack. The way someone else does a job may not be just as you would do it, but it is still just fine! Different but workable and functional and okay! Fairness must prevail in a successful team or partnership otherwise resentment will develop and undermine the whole system. A good attitude to have is to always do a little more than your fair share; not a lot more, but a little more. It's a good policy espoused by my children's father and it was given to him by his father. It sounds wise to me.
I'm beginning to understand that it can be easy to be overwhelmed if you forget to designate and underline time for your personal life. If I don't cut out a space each day for some rest and recreation, even if it's just a 20 minute walk and 20 minutes with my head in a good book...or 20 minutes in a warm scented bath with eyes shut and focus on my breath, I will become tired and grumpy with people at home and maybe with people at work too. That would be no good! I want to be able to make time to call in and have a cuppa with mum and dad on my way home from work. I want to know that I can relax and chat for 20 minutes to my kids who live in another state...and give them my whole attention for that short time.
Sometimes to do this well, I will have to say no to myself too. No, you can't watch that movie that finishes at 11.50pm...so don't even watch the start at 9.30! No, you can't slack on your exercise today because you missed yesterday...it will soon be a habit (as it is now...and that is something I'm planning to fix in the holidays!!) No, you can't put off talking to someone about that thing that is bothering you because it will get you down and distract you from your rest or your work. I will have to be present in the moment and decide to deal with things...all things...in a timely manner so that they are not a hanging weight in the back of my mind causing unnecessary stress and worry. And I will have to learn sometimes just to let things go and not feel cranky or upset...letting go of things like that can be very beneficial to health. Sometimes things are just not worth getting worked up about!
Well, I'm sure I've read somewhere that awareness is the first step. So I'm aware of some of the pitfalls in working a full time job in a caring profession. I'm aware that I must take care of business and I must take care of myself. Next step must be to create a plan. We all know that plans need to be tweaked and adjusted as we live them, but if we don't make them to start with, we have no framework, no guidelines, no idea when to say no and when to say yes. If we don't know what our core work is then we can't focus on it and make sure it gets done well. Planning is my next phase. If I ever say no to you, and sometimes I will no doubt have to say no to writing, in order to get some sleep or to go for a walk or to sit and have a natter with a loved one...please understand that it's not because I don't care...it's because I do...
There are lots of people out there working full time. Most people do, and many think nothing of working themselves into a frenzy and taking to drugs or alcohol or some other thing to help them cope. I won't even begin to go into the implications of making those choices. We are not taught to say no. As children we are told it's rude to say no. As teens we are seen as rebellious to say no to things. It's important to be able to say no. Yes, it is! Let's all keep one another accountable. How are you taking care of yourself and creating a balanced lifestyle but still making sure your core work gets done?
I'd love to hear your ideas or hints to help me get things together in the best way I can, and maybe some other readers too. Cheers, Kerry
Friday 20 December 2013
Giving thanks
The past few days have been full of exciting surprises for me and I just want to acknowledge my very good fortune. Apart from all the obvious goodness in life like family and friends, a roof over my head, ample food and clean water, I have had the unexpected blessing of accumulating some holiday pay during my part-time contract this year. The arrival of money when you don't expect it, even a relatively small amount, feels a bit like winning the Lotto! I have breathed a sigh of relief and delight in being able to be less frugal than I expected over the holiday period. I don't mind being frugal, but it's nice to have a little more freedom...that's for sure.
I had a dental appointment on the same day that I found out about the holiday pay. I expected to part with a lot of money to have my teeth mended, but again, a lovely surprise. Only one small filling...one had fallen out only the night before, so it needed no drilling...just a wash, a dry and refill. I needed no anaesthetic either which was a bonus for someone who just doesn't like having injections, even though you hardly feel them these days. Big smiles as I left without needing to book a follow up appointment. The day was looking very fine!
Next thing my phone rang and it was then that I was told I have a contract for full-time work for 2014! I'd been on tenterhooks for months while the education department placed all their permanent staff and was so thrilled to finally be offered a position at the local school for next year. Yippee!! So much goodness all in one day!
The past few days have been a whirl of last minute jobs and celebrations with students and work colleagues to see out the end of the 2013 school year. I am blessed to work with such a brilliant collection of wonderful people. Every one of them is dedicated to giving the best they can for the kids and their families. They are funny and witty and clever and beautiful people. I enjoy their company so much at work and socially. I feel very lucky indeed.
There are some gorgeous folk here in town who have put an immense amount of time and money into creating a spectacular Christmas grotto display of their home and garden. In a few moments I was transported back to childhood. What a lovely gift to our town and especially to the children. I haven't got much in the way of decorations and don't feel a need to do much, but I really appreciate the efforts of those who go to so much trouble for the delight of others. Good on you and thanks!
Well, this is short and sweet today. I know there's lots of bad and lots of sad out there, but today I just wanted to share some happy with you. A wise man once told me that you see what you're looking for. Let's try for a few days to look at the good stuff that happens for us, and the good stuff we can do for others. Wishing you love and light and happiness...the eyes to see it and the heart to feel it. To all the 'Scrooges' out there...all the 'Bah, humbug!' folk...find a little something you can do for someone and feel a little spark light in your heart...It might just be a smile but we can all give something.
So thanks to God, to the Universe, to the goodness of life, to family and friends and others. You fill my life with wonder and goodness and blessings. The countdown to Christmas is on. Wishing you peace and joy.
I had a dental appointment on the same day that I found out about the holiday pay. I expected to part with a lot of money to have my teeth mended, but again, a lovely surprise. Only one small filling...one had fallen out only the night before, so it needed no drilling...just a wash, a dry and refill. I needed no anaesthetic either which was a bonus for someone who just doesn't like having injections, even though you hardly feel them these days. Big smiles as I left without needing to book a follow up appointment. The day was looking very fine!
Next thing my phone rang and it was then that I was told I have a contract for full-time work for 2014! I'd been on tenterhooks for months while the education department placed all their permanent staff and was so thrilled to finally be offered a position at the local school for next year. Yippee!! So much goodness all in one day!
The past few days have been a whirl of last minute jobs and celebrations with students and work colleagues to see out the end of the 2013 school year. I am blessed to work with such a brilliant collection of wonderful people. Every one of them is dedicated to giving the best they can for the kids and their families. They are funny and witty and clever and beautiful people. I enjoy their company so much at work and socially. I feel very lucky indeed.
There are some gorgeous folk here in town who have put an immense amount of time and money into creating a spectacular Christmas grotto display of their home and garden. In a few moments I was transported back to childhood. What a lovely gift to our town and especially to the children. I haven't got much in the way of decorations and don't feel a need to do much, but I really appreciate the efforts of those who go to so much trouble for the delight of others. Good on you and thanks!
Well, this is short and sweet today. I know there's lots of bad and lots of sad out there, but today I just wanted to share some happy with you. A wise man once told me that you see what you're looking for. Let's try for a few days to look at the good stuff that happens for us, and the good stuff we can do for others. Wishing you love and light and happiness...the eyes to see it and the heart to feel it. To all the 'Scrooges' out there...all the 'Bah, humbug!' folk...find a little something you can do for someone and feel a little spark light in your heart...It might just be a smile but we can all give something.
So thanks to God, to the Universe, to the goodness of life, to family and friends and others. You fill my life with wonder and goodness and blessings. The countdown to Christmas is on. Wishing you peace and joy.
Sunday 8 December 2013
Reindeer Hospital
This afternoon I found two rather sad little reindeer tucked away in a shoe box and looking like they would miss out on Christmas this year. Long years ago my then young daughter had crafted triplet reindeer with cork heads and bodies, barbeque match legs, bead feet and antlers from something I can't now identify. The tiny shoe box held a few token Christmas items that I kept after a massive downsize a few years ago when I was moving into a single room to take up my first post as a graduate teacher. I dragged them out the other day and noticed that two of the reindeer had suffered from the trauma of moving house thrice more since then, and suggested that David might be able to fix them with some TLC and glue. Unfortunately he's had the man-flu for most of the past week and I blame that for said reindeer being shut back inside the box and returned to the shelf in my office. I had noticed the lone fit and well reindeer sitting forlorn in the kitchen next to the mug tree, doing its best to add some festive cheer, and thought that perhaps three cork and match stick reindeer might just have been more Christmas than he could take (it's still two and a half weeks away, after all). Today, though, the truth revealed itself (the broken ones hadn't been fixed!!) and I wondered for a brief moment what to do.
Nope, I'm not being truthful. I looked at the poor wretched things adrift in the shoe box with a very cute golliwog Santa, a hand knitted red and white doll mum gave me last Christmas and a Santa brooch made by a Queensland pal; I knew that I had some fixing to do. Pronto! I have a bottle of PVA glue on my desk so with a deft stroke of black permanent marker, the shoe box was converted to a Reindeer Hospital. The other banished Christmas friends were quickly moved to perches in the bare twig tree I have arranged here on my desk and they seemed to feel most at home. Hospital established, I applied one squirt of glue to a broken antler, and another squirt of glue to a broken leg. I propped the little fellows gently against the inside of the box and waited a few hours and voila! They are like new again! Well, almost. Their wee googly eyes are tinged an aging yellow which I'm sure is just the ravages of time, but otherwise they look as spunky and cute as the day they were first made.
You can spend all you like on new things for Christmas. The shops will never (within reason) run out of things for you to spend your hard earned cash on. There's all sorts of stuff with varying degrees of wow factor...but I don't think you can beat something made by the hands of someone you love. I'll take some pictures and load them on tomorrow [finally got to it Wednesday!] for you to have a look...but for tonight I want to get this posted and find out if that new email subscribe button really works. I've subscribed just so that I can keep an eye on how things are working. Hope you're having fun getting ready for Christmas. Hope you're finding things you'd forgotten about during the year and that maybe this will inspire you to do a bit of fixing too, so that you can enjoy some of those old treasures for just a little longer. Or perhaps you'll create some new treasures from bits and pieces around the house. It just takes a bit of imagination and some time...and a willingness to experiment a bit and have fun! Wishing you luck and love and prosperity. Oh, and I hope David isn't going to mind having three little yellow eyed reindeer standing vigil under the mug tree tonight.
Nope, I'm not being truthful. I looked at the poor wretched things adrift in the shoe box with a very cute golliwog Santa, a hand knitted red and white doll mum gave me last Christmas and a Santa brooch made by a Queensland pal; I knew that I had some fixing to do. Pronto! I have a bottle of PVA glue on my desk so with a deft stroke of black permanent marker, the shoe box was converted to a Reindeer Hospital. The other banished Christmas friends were quickly moved to perches in the bare twig tree I have arranged here on my desk and they seemed to feel most at home. Hospital established, I applied one squirt of glue to a broken antler, and another squirt of glue to a broken leg. I propped the little fellows gently against the inside of the box and waited a few hours and voila! They are like new again! Well, almost. Their wee googly eyes are tinged an aging yellow which I'm sure is just the ravages of time, but otherwise they look as spunky and cute as the day they were first made.
You can spend all you like on new things for Christmas. The shops will never (within reason) run out of things for you to spend your hard earned cash on. There's all sorts of stuff with varying degrees of wow factor...but I don't think you can beat something made by the hands of someone you love. I'll take some pictures and load them on tomorrow [finally got to it Wednesday!] for you to have a look...but for tonight I want to get this posted and find out if that new email subscribe button really works. I've subscribed just so that I can keep an eye on how things are working. Hope you're having fun getting ready for Christmas. Hope you're finding things you'd forgotten about during the year and that maybe this will inspire you to do a bit of fixing too, so that you can enjoy some of those old treasures for just a little longer. Or perhaps you'll create some new treasures from bits and pieces around the house. It just takes a bit of imagination and some time...and a willingness to experiment a bit and have fun! Wishing you luck and love and prosperity. Oh, and I hope David isn't going to mind having three little yellow eyed reindeer standing vigil under the mug tree tonight.
Saturday 7 December 2013
Bloody Lovely Cake
What a very busy week it's been here in southern Tassie! On top of work there was a trip to Hobart with Mum and a lovely day out with Dad. Mum and Dad live happily together, and I often pop in for a cuppa or a brief chat on my way home from work, but I really enjoy spending time with them one on one. Maybe I'm a little greedy enjoying their company all on my own...but I figure none of us is going to live forever and I'd prefer not to have those awful regrets that creep in when opportunities have been missed or put off until too late.
I've been a bit slack lately about days out with Dad. When I was staying with them a year or so ago, we managed a few little sojourns to town for coffee and cake or hot chips on the river. A day out with Mum reminded me that I haven't had a day out with Dad for ages, so that was it. A spur of the moment phone call and I had a date for 1 o'clock. When we have a day out these days, I do the driving. Dad's driven me places enough over the years - to school, parties, dances, hockey practice and to feed the horses or to friends' homes for visits. It's cool that I can return the favour and let him relax in the passenger's seat. He was hanging on tightly to the vinyl hand hanger thing at the top of the window for most of the trip, but I'm hoping that was just a comfort thing and not 'hanging on for dear life'! I explained that since I've written about Double White Lines and crossing them, I'm being super vigilant with my driving because I'm sure it will be noticed if I take any shortcuts or heaven forbid break the speed limit. So he was perfectly safe and I was driving very carefully. But still he hung on...hmmm.
We chatted on the way about this and that. He told me a few of his old stories. You have a lot of stories when you're past eighty years old, but some of them become favourites. I suppose when I think about it, that they are the ones that have been defining moments in his life. The stories are ones that tell of forks in the road of life; when decisions had to be made and when the influence of others made him take this path or that. Sometimes it sounds a bit like he wishes he had taken other paths along the way. I think he is explaining how and why he ended up here, in this place and this time. I wonder if it gives him some sense of comfort in revisiting those times...but they are not particularly happy stories. Often they are tinged with a sense of almost apology, as if he wishes somehow he had done more, or done better. There is sometimes a feeling of helplessness in those tales. I suppose a young man is at the beck and call of his father in many ways. A father may appear to be giving his son a set of options or choices, but he will phrase the choice in a way that makes one option the clear best choice. It may not have been the best choice for the son, but it would have felt like the only one at the time; like any other choice would be fairly silly. I sense a tinge of regret. Perhaps if he'd taken the more difficult path, he might have been a master builder. Instead he went into business with his father. I wonder if there are lessons in the stories...not just for Dad, but for me too as I listen. The easiest and most obvious route is not always the best perhaps.
Grandad, my Dad's father, was a big part of my life during my primary and high school years. He too drove me many places. Nanna and Grandad lived with us for a time, and as Mum and Dad both worked, my grandparents featured largely in life. I am surprised when Dad tells me stories about Grandad. To me he was always a big loving lump of a man who loved to feed kookaburras and who made me doll's furniture! The only time I ever saw him angry with me was one time when I cast the top of this best fishing rod into the river and then cut the line when I couldn't retrieve it. He couldn't believe I was stupid enough to cut the line.
I was fishing with my then boyfriend and we had borrowed fishing rods from Grandad. He had several and he took great pride in whipping the eyes on with fine coloured thread. They were truly beautiful things. Well, I was his only grand-daughter and until I lost the top of his fishing rod, I do believe the sun shone out of my rear end in his eyes; I could do no wrong! Alas that was not the truth. Quite innocently, as I made a huge sweep and cast the hook, carefully baited with chubby pink worm, into the middle of the river, the top of that beautiful hand crafted fishing rod sailed after it and presumably speared itself firmly into the soft mud at the bottom of the river. Or perhaps wedged itself between some rocks. Regardless, the river refused to relinquish it despite long and persistent pulling it this way and that and walking along the river bank this way and that to try from every available angle. Filled with despair, it seemed the only thing to do was to cut the line.
Later, after a very nerve wracking talk with Grandad, it was made clear to me that the sensible thing to have done would have been to tie the line to a tree or bush or something similar and then to have come home and fetched Grandad who would have found someone with a boat who would have helped him to rescue the rod. But it was too late. I had done the unthinkable and it couldn't be undone. Golly gosh. I've just realised that I still feel guilty about it all these years later! But how can we be guilty for not having that wisdom we gain only by making mistakes? Experience itself is the best teacher, is it not?
I wonder if that's what Dad's feeling when he talks about things that happened in his life. I wonder if he feels a bit guilty about not having that wisdom back then. Surely that is the value of reflection through life. Ahhh, what we all might have done differently if we'd known what we couldn't know. What we know now. Anger, despair, regret...for not choosing differently. Perhaps all these can be signs that we have learned the lessons we needed to learn. The mistakes we've made have shown us what we couldn't have known otherwise. That wisdom gained by living and getting it wrong sometimes, when we remember to use it, can help us later. Sometimes, though, we have to make the same kind of mistake many times before the wisdom comes.
I look at the lives around me...being lived in so many different ways. There are so many choices; so many decisions for us to make. It's easy to see how other people ought to do things; to judge others for not being wiser. Choices and decisions are hard. Make them in a second or agonise over them for weeks; still you must live with the consequences. Choices...which reminds me to tell you that Bloody Lovely Cake, a delicacy available in my favourite coffee shop, is always a good choice. Once long ago, my lovely daughter said to me when trying frozen mango sorbet, "Mum, you know how everything has a good side and a bad side?...well this has no bad side!" Bloody Lovely Cake is a bit like that. I had a Berry Smoothie to go with mine, and Dad had a Lime Milkshake to go with his. Good choices all round. Yum!
PS Dad came out with me for the afternoon even though the cricket was on the television...the Ashes...I feel so very loved!!
I've been a bit slack lately about days out with Dad. When I was staying with them a year or so ago, we managed a few little sojourns to town for coffee and cake or hot chips on the river. A day out with Mum reminded me that I haven't had a day out with Dad for ages, so that was it. A spur of the moment phone call and I had a date for 1 o'clock. When we have a day out these days, I do the driving. Dad's driven me places enough over the years - to school, parties, dances, hockey practice and to feed the horses or to friends' homes for visits. It's cool that I can return the favour and let him relax in the passenger's seat. He was hanging on tightly to the vinyl hand hanger thing at the top of the window for most of the trip, but I'm hoping that was just a comfort thing and not 'hanging on for dear life'! I explained that since I've written about Double White Lines and crossing them, I'm being super vigilant with my driving because I'm sure it will be noticed if I take any shortcuts or heaven forbid break the speed limit. So he was perfectly safe and I was driving very carefully. But still he hung on...hmmm.
We chatted on the way about this and that. He told me a few of his old stories. You have a lot of stories when you're past eighty years old, but some of them become favourites. I suppose when I think about it, that they are the ones that have been defining moments in his life. The stories are ones that tell of forks in the road of life; when decisions had to be made and when the influence of others made him take this path or that. Sometimes it sounds a bit like he wishes he had taken other paths along the way. I think he is explaining how and why he ended up here, in this place and this time. I wonder if it gives him some sense of comfort in revisiting those times...but they are not particularly happy stories. Often they are tinged with a sense of almost apology, as if he wishes somehow he had done more, or done better. There is sometimes a feeling of helplessness in those tales. I suppose a young man is at the beck and call of his father in many ways. A father may appear to be giving his son a set of options or choices, but he will phrase the choice in a way that makes one option the clear best choice. It may not have been the best choice for the son, but it would have felt like the only one at the time; like any other choice would be fairly silly. I sense a tinge of regret. Perhaps if he'd taken the more difficult path, he might have been a master builder. Instead he went into business with his father. I wonder if there are lessons in the stories...not just for Dad, but for me too as I listen. The easiest and most obvious route is not always the best perhaps.
Grandad, my Dad's father, was a big part of my life during my primary and high school years. He too drove me many places. Nanna and Grandad lived with us for a time, and as Mum and Dad both worked, my grandparents featured largely in life. I am surprised when Dad tells me stories about Grandad. To me he was always a big loving lump of a man who loved to feed kookaburras and who made me doll's furniture! The only time I ever saw him angry with me was one time when I cast the top of this best fishing rod into the river and then cut the line when I couldn't retrieve it. He couldn't believe I was stupid enough to cut the line.
I was fishing with my then boyfriend and we had borrowed fishing rods from Grandad. He had several and he took great pride in whipping the eyes on with fine coloured thread. They were truly beautiful things. Well, I was his only grand-daughter and until I lost the top of his fishing rod, I do believe the sun shone out of my rear end in his eyes; I could do no wrong! Alas that was not the truth. Quite innocently, as I made a huge sweep and cast the hook, carefully baited with chubby pink worm, into the middle of the river, the top of that beautiful hand crafted fishing rod sailed after it and presumably speared itself firmly into the soft mud at the bottom of the river. Or perhaps wedged itself between some rocks. Regardless, the river refused to relinquish it despite long and persistent pulling it this way and that and walking along the river bank this way and that to try from every available angle. Filled with despair, it seemed the only thing to do was to cut the line.
Later, after a very nerve wracking talk with Grandad, it was made clear to me that the sensible thing to have done would have been to tie the line to a tree or bush or something similar and then to have come home and fetched Grandad who would have found someone with a boat who would have helped him to rescue the rod. But it was too late. I had done the unthinkable and it couldn't be undone. Golly gosh. I've just realised that I still feel guilty about it all these years later! But how can we be guilty for not having that wisdom we gain only by making mistakes? Experience itself is the best teacher, is it not?
I wonder if that's what Dad's feeling when he talks about things that happened in his life. I wonder if he feels a bit guilty about not having that wisdom back then. Surely that is the value of reflection through life. Ahhh, what we all might have done differently if we'd known what we couldn't know. What we know now. Anger, despair, regret...for not choosing differently. Perhaps all these can be signs that we have learned the lessons we needed to learn. The mistakes we've made have shown us what we couldn't have known otherwise. That wisdom gained by living and getting it wrong sometimes, when we remember to use it, can help us later. Sometimes, though, we have to make the same kind of mistake many times before the wisdom comes.
I look at the lives around me...being lived in so many different ways. There are so many choices; so many decisions for us to make. It's easy to see how other people ought to do things; to judge others for not being wiser. Choices and decisions are hard. Make them in a second or agonise over them for weeks; still you must live with the consequences. Choices...which reminds me to tell you that Bloody Lovely Cake, a delicacy available in my favourite coffee shop, is always a good choice. Once long ago, my lovely daughter said to me when trying frozen mango sorbet, "Mum, you know how everything has a good side and a bad side?...well this has no bad side!" Bloody Lovely Cake is a bit like that. I had a Berry Smoothie to go with mine, and Dad had a Lime Milkshake to go with his. Good choices all round. Yum!
PS Dad came out with me for the afternoon even though the cricket was on the television...the Ashes...I feel so very loved!!
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